Control & Connection

Updated: May 21, 2019

Control.


We all have it in common, we like (or dislike) to control money, our daily routine, control our relationships and even ourselves.


But, as usual, there is a glitch in the matrix... 🐈 < 🐈


Control is an illusion. ✨✨ sparkle sparkle.


The idea of control comes second nature to us, especially to the perfectionists out there. (*Puts hand up - sounds like me 🙋🏼‍♂️)


It's an easy tool to quick fire control at anything around us that we can't predict and leaves us open to being vulnerable.

I've been known to be a perfectionist.


The problem with perfection is that it just doesn't work. Perfection is shutting down those areas of uncertainty, areas of risk, and all of the emotions that feel alien to us or even the ones we have been taught to fear like pain, regret and rejection.


The problem with shutting down these emotions is that is numbing. It's takes your senses and it not only numbs the bad, but also the good. Without pain there is no passion. Without risk there is not entrepreneurship and without rejection or mistake there is no room for reflection or hindsight.


So how do we learn to live an imperfect life?

How do we allow ourselves to feel the full spectrum of emotions without that crippling sense of fear?


How do we take life by the reigns in a way that doesn't exert control, but trust, a type of trust with direction; direction that will lead us to where we are meant to be?


Now. there were a lot of “how's” above and that's because we usually look for an action.


But the real question is why?


Why let go of control? Why submit to imperfection?


The answer is connection.


I live by two main philosophies.


They are romantic notions. Not in sense of love, but in the idea that they take belief and a leap of blind faith into the unknown.


These philosophies, I believe, are they birthplace of my happiness. They are the birthplace of my connection to others and, more importantly, to myself. But I'll come back to this a little later.


Control is addictive. There are many types of control and it's takes many forms in the darkest parts of ourselves.


There are those who like to control others, or use control for power. Even those who use it to distract and hide away emotions.

It becomes easy to control or micro-manage portions of your life without even knowing it.


But what it can do is damage. It damages your relationships, your morality, and can damage your idea of self worth. It creates the feedback loop that just perpetuates itself.


Now I’m talking about extreme control.

Not something like core/abdominal control - because when done well - that’s shits hard. 💪🏻


And I’m not talking about self control, like don’t eat that cake. (Eat the freaking cake. Enjoy! 🍰)


I mean the type of control that might have mal-intent as it’s driving motivation.


Now let's rewind a bit back to those two philosophies I live by.


The first one is courage and worthiness - the ability to allow myself to be vulnerable.

I don't mean courage like bravery or valour but I’m the way coined by Brene Brown - to be whole hearted, to be self worthy - with self belief.


Next, is responsibility.


First, we have the the responsibility to the self to grow and learn to the fullest capacity.


Second, the responsibility to others and help them grow and learn to their fullest capacity.


Finally, the responsibly we have to the community and the planet - it's growth and the mark we leave even after we are gone.


I believe that this creates a deep moral responsibility, because it means to live to the best of ones ability. This type of responsibility is to the benefit of of oneself and to others. The opposite would be to live irreverently and irresponsibly damages which damages our relationships and our connections.


Courage and responsibility are the means to be open and vulnerable and a motivator to be disciplined and responsible.


Control is your need to steer the ship and responsibility and discipline are the ability to get on that ship every day and let it take you wherever it may go..


The truth is that living this way is a give and take relationship that goes day by day and step by step. It’s not always in a forward motion sometime you take a step back... Or even a giant leap... But it is most perfect when it is imperfect because that is when we are human, and we are humane. It is when we learn to love to our fullest and when we understand empathy and emotion.


Most of all, it's why we are here... To learn to be connected.


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